Grand Pockets’s Blog

Genealogy, Family, Poetry and Peeves

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

Remember that old Art Linkletter Show and the books that followed? Every parent has those moments when their child says something so funny or embarrassing…last night was one of those moments…Ol’ Grandpockets was babysitting grandsons Nathan, Kordell, Payton and Kade so their Mamas could help Santa Claus at his local Wally World Workshop. It was getting late, around ten and Renee, my wife and a nurse, was in bed because she had a 5 am start for her shift. In an attempt to keep the boys occupied, edified and culturally educated we popped in that wonderfully educational Jackass 2 and when the laughter started getting too loud and raucous, Grandpockets put his foot down.

“Either quiet it down or I turn off your Sesame Street by Johnny Knoxville show” I growled, then repeated, then, well…shouted. Grandpockets has discovered his grandchildren are all nearly deaf because I have to yell before they hear me. The boys had finally quieted down when 7 year old Kade-alator mutters,

“Well, then we’ll all just sit here like monks and masturbate!”

Okay. When a child comes out with something like this, first I smack my ear to clear it from whatever caused me to hear wrong, then I ask for..ummm…clarification?

“What did you say? I asked. His older kith and kin were rolling around the floor, of course, howling with glee to rouse the dead – in this case, Renee from her sleep.

Kade-alator looked at me, baffled at all the laughter and worried because from Grandpockets look he knew he’d said something wrong.

“You know,” he explained, “like those Kung Fu dudes do, they sit around and masturbate.”

It was hopeless. I joined the other boys for a moment of uncontrolled laughter. Even Renee was laughing as she caught the tail end of things.

So what would you have done? Meditate on that for a moment….or maybe, take Kade-alator’s suggestion. Johnny Knoxville would.



December 21, 2008 Posted by | family, humor | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays to everyone! Christmas is just around the corner and here in Saint Joseph, Missouri it looks to be a white Christmas. Most of our shopping’s done, the tree’s been up for a couple of weeks, the puppy chews happily on the wrapped packages and the cat chases him under the branches at least once a day. Keeping the ornaments on is the challenge but the pets are too much fun to watch to try and stop them.

My reason for starting a blog? I hope to put a lot of genealogy online, biographies, documents, abstracts but done in a bit different way than the usual databases do – a bit more entertaining, or irritating, depending on your viewpoint.  Commentary about my family, its history and characters, good and bad. Besides these bios and the supporting documents & photos, I hope to add my reviews of genealogy books, sites, and software (I’ve read, visited and tried tons of ’em) from the viewpoint of one who is not a computer savant but an ordinary guy who just wants to research family history effectively.  Hey – if  I can follow a book, navigate a site or use a piece of software effectively anyone should be able to.

I wanna rant, too, from time to time.  Like the need for World Connect and other gedcom databases to add an “ignore this stupid person’s databases” button you can click when you find one of those incredibly dumb collections of names that have moronic impossibilities abounding. Very few families have ever had any ancestors with children born before their parents.  You wouldn’t know that, though, from a LOT of the gedcoms you’ll find out there.  Oh – but, Chuck….. there IS a disclaimer to verify and do your own research before accepting. Research? Huh? It takes research to figure out that Junior wasn’t born before Senior? My Lord, why would anyone want to post a gedcom that stamps a big red stupid on their forehead?   Anyway, you get the point…brickwalls are for the genealogy section, brickheads for the rant section. If no one even reads the rants that’s fine. It’s still therapy, like the letter you write but don’t mail, just to get things off your chest.

Then there’s the immediate family stuff, you know, Kids, grandkids, reunions and family news. Most people will wanna just skip this stuff unless stories about my cat chasing the chihuahua chasing the cat chasing my daughter  is the heart-warming kinda schlock you really enjoy reading.  It’s my family and I love them, and, so far, they tolerate me as a kind of family relic, like the old lawnmower they used to cut the grass with that is still in the shed. Neither of us work right half the time,  both emit foul odors, strange noises and bring back fond memories for them.  If you’re here looking for something genealogical just skip over these, please.

Finally, in the spirit of self aggrandizement that has become the web, I reserve the right to toss an occasional poem on the archive pile. .They’re really good. Trust me. I wouldn’t lie, or exaggerate, or blow my own horn. They are so good I’ve decided to publish them here for the sake of a wider audience! And some of my family qualify as a ‘wider’ audience and will probably be the only ones who suffer themselves to sample a line or two.

First post is in the bag, folks, and Santa will soon be filling his bags and his sleigh. I sincerely hope everyone of you who read this missive a blessed and happy end of year, no matter what your belief, or where you are. Peace be with you.


December 19, 2008 Posted by | family | , , , , | Leave a comment